So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
