i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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