I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
