dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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