May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Operation Purity has been aborted
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
