Dual....:-)
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
