just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
