WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
