I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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