I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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