I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
false alarm, still single
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