Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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