i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
