My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
