she woke up with a sticky ear
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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