I can tuck mytits in my pants
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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