I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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