I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
