It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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