I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
