I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
is it fun? or sober?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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