im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We got so high we made milksteak
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
