Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
