Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
