Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
