OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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