I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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