if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
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as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
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I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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