He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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