Need sex. Gaining weight.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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