just come out here and I will go home with you...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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