I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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