I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
