Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
