My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
it's like heaven, but drunker
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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