They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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