Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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