but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
