You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
