And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
