Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
