Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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