Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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