some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
