This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im six kinds of drunk right now
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
