If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
They took my balls.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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