This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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