I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You pole danced in your parka.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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