He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
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In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
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I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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