His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
