At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
