I just pynch a tree in the face
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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