I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
