so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
