So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
