I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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