i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
