He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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