i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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