last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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