Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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