I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
