Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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