Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize