I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
