From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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