I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
