Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
