I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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