Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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