There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
