we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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