Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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